Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 101 - Three Qualities You Must Teach Your Children
Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 101 – Three Qualities You Must Teach Your Children
Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast deepens your walk with Jesus and your children, and equips you to become a set-apart woman raising children to chase Christ over culture.
Hey, as we get started today, I want to remind you that if you like this episode or have been encouraged by other episodes of Purposed Parent Connected Child, please make the time to leave a rating and review. The truth is that the more ratings and reviews the show gets, the easier the algorithm makes it to find the show. So, please take action and leave that rating and review on Apple podcasts or share the show with friends. My family thanks you along with me because every show is a family endeavor for Christ. Now, on to today’s episode about important qualities you need to teach your children.
As a mom, you probably know there are many characteristics God requires believers to carry. Today, I want us to focus on three important qualities He desires we teach our children. First, let’s look at a important verse - Psalm 56:4, which says, “In God, whose Word I praise—in God I trust. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
As we begin, I’d like to share a story that highlights the first quality God requires us to teach our children. Trust.
As a mom to two born from my womb and two born from another, who all miraculously became mine through God’s mighty and loving ways, I understand very well the necessity for trust.
As a very young bio mom, I took for granted that my children would trust and love me. Ignorant of the effects caused by neglect and deprivation in early years, I never realized how different relationships might be when a child was adopted vs. being a bio baby.
Thankfully, my husband and I wisely took several classes, read books, articles, blogs, and spoke to others who had paved the way before us as parents, adoption facilitators, and counselors in the field when we adopted.
When we stepped in faith to bring home our ten month old baby girl from China, we were ecstatic! Just like when I was pregnant, my husband and I already had a deep love blooming and spreading inside us. Then, when we were face to face with our brand new daughter, that love immediately cemented.
Even though our girl was just ten months old, she had a life with many experiences before she came to be with us. Because of the nature of adoption, she had suffered neglect, trauma, heartbreak, and many other emotions and occurrences before we met her. After a cycle of broken trust in her life, it was foremost in our minds and hearts to ensure that she would feel safe, loved, and grow the ability to fully trust us.
Ten years later, my husband and I brought home a nine year old from China. The amount of suffering and neglect she had already experienced was heartbreaking. After nine years of deprivation, she now had to learn to live with a family fully ready to love and nurture her.
Our youngest daughter had to face emotions, thoughts, feelings, and actions to allow herself to be cared for. Of course, that took time. For her to move from someone who felt unseen or like an inconvenience to accepting that she was now a cherished daughter, the first step was to learn to trust us.
This example is such a beautiful reflection of our walk with Jesus. Trust is the first step in relationship with Christ. Trust is also the first of three qualities God requires you to possess - and to lovingly train your child to carry. When your children develop a strong, connected, trusting relationship with you, it is easier for them to be able to trust in Jesus.
So let’s look at the word, trust. For some, trust is an easy gift to give others. For some, trust will have to be earned. Because of background, experiences, and formed beliefs, trust is simply not easily given by all.
How is trust built with someone who hasn’t known trustworthy people in their life? You may not have adopted children or parent children who have experienced trauma or neglect, but simply desire to lay the groundwork for a strong foundation of trust in your home.
There are simple, yet effective ways to build trustin any of those circumstances. Let’s go over the best ways to build trust. These are not listed in any particular order, but as they come to my mind.
1. Play – If you’ve listened to other Purposed Parent Connected Child episodes, you may have heard me speak often about my youngest daughter and I having a scheduled daily play date. This has been one of the top ways we have connected and cemented our relationship with each other. It has also led to her trusting me enough to trust Jesus. What does you child enjoy? How can you intentionally incorporate time together daily enjoying an activity that fuels your child’s interests?
2. Listen – Make eye contact with your children. Hear what they are saying. This means you may have to slow down your schedule. Be available so they can share what is going on in their life and thoughts. This leads to open and enjoyable conversations that deepens your relationship with each other and lays the groundwork for a walk with Christ.
3. Validate – Show that you hear them (this doesn’t mean you have to agree). Let them see that you understand they have emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Respect them, and also teach your children biblical truth throughout their life so that they will use God’s Word as a compass against which they measure those feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
4. Honor/respect them as a person. Yes, you are in authority over your child, but God is trusting you to love, guide, and build relationship that will lovingly lead your children to Him.
5. Agree on expectations together (when possible). Your child will probably not agree with your parental decisions one hundred percent of the time, however, as you build relationship and trust, you are able to communicate in ways that continue to foster and build higher trust.
6. Honor/foster independence – don’t try to make all decisions for your children. Know that they are on a journey of growth, just as you are. As they grow, times, situations, and abilities change. You must allow your child to grow while seeking God to guide you with biblical insight and wisdom in helping your children mature to become godly adults.
7. Ask open-ended questions – As your child matures, ask open-ended questions in discussion to see where their mind and heart are residing. This helps guide you in parenting and allows you to see where they may need additional help maturing.
8. Moderate your reactions – As you continue to purposely mature your walk with God through Christ, you are better equipped when surprises come. As you raise your children to know and reside in Jesus, your will also experience less surprises. When those do happen, moderate your reactions. Don’t fly off the handle or react too harshly. Trust continues to grow when hard times or surprises are handled with insightful wisdom.
9. Uphold commitments – Just like the old saying, “make promises sparingly and keep them no matter the cost,” trust is built when you uphold commitments you have promised your children. If emergencies arise, the relationship you have built will keep your trustworthiness safe, but if you never keep promises, you will not build trust or a strong connection. You will push your child away, as well as any positive influence to trust in Jesus.
There are many factors that create trust. I hope this list is one you can say you’ve already established in your home. If not, use this listing as a guide to help you establish intentional methods to multiply trust in your home and for Christ.
The next quality God requires you to carry and teach your child is Praise.
When people think of praise, they often think of being thankful for something. Of course, that is part of what I mean here. But in reality, since we are speaking of God, our Heavenly Father, the Maker of all things, simply being thankful isn’t enough.
Praise should have an element of thankfulness and gratitude, surely, but also carry a recognition of Who God is. God is Holy. God is sovereign. God is The Great I Am. In order to train your child to carry the attitude of praise, you must clearly exhibit true praise around the recognition of your Heavenly Father and all He is. This begins with an eternal perspective centered on God.
1. Set an example - Identify where your walk with God is strong and where it is weak. What is your impression of God? Do you carry an attitude of praise despite circumstances? Does it come across to your children? The best way to mentor praise to your children is to make sure they see it modeled by you.
2. Prayer – Is it possible to praise God without prayer? No. What a blessing that God left us a hotline straight to Him. This personal line never expires and is never out of service. The more you use it, the more you want to. The more you use it, the more your children will want to if you lovingly and consistently model strong relationship with God through Christ from your earliest time together. Use prayer with your child as soon as you have them. Let them get accustomed to hearing you rely on and praise the Lord.
3. Service – One of the most effective ways to praise God is by serving others through and for Him. Even better is when you serve with your children and let them experience the blessing of helping others.
4. Compliment others – Looking for ways to compliment others is simple and fun! When I’m out with my girls we always like to compliment people. It gives me so much joy to see the faces of those we compliment light up with surprise and a smile. It’s also a gift to hear your children find beautiful ways to compliment others. I’m sure God feels joy when we bring delight to the hearts of others He created with love and purpose. As we do it, we are actually praising Him as we praise His creation.
5. Gratitude/Praise Journal – If you enjoy writing in a journal, it’s a delight to write prayer requests, answers, and thoughts in a journal to read years later. When your children see you record these words, they may also want to begin keeping a journal for themselves. If you have a child who is too young to write, teach him or her to draw pictures or you can talk together and write the words. Teaching your children to look for blessings, answers to prayer, or to record the progress of their relationship with Jesus is a gift they may continue for life.
6. Teach – The way you react to God – your walk with Him, the way you pray, the way you live, your desires, actions, and reactions all expose your belief system and where it is weak or strong. God’s sovereignty and holiness must be evident in the way you live and in the way you train your children to see and react to Him.
Psalm 27:4 says, “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.”
“Gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek Him.” How well do your children see you live with that posture? In order to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, we must know Him through His Word and recognize His character. To love Him with a humble heart, fear God with a holy reverence, respect God's holy commands and instructions, serve God with a humble heart, and obey God with respect for His sovereignty, we have to be present with Him, maturing a relationship He paid a dear price to offer each of us.
Everything we’ve discussed about trust and praise flow into the next quality God requires. Submission.
In this world, submission isn’t always a word that commands respect or admiration. Of course, the kingdom of God is contrary to this world. Relationship with God requires humility. In the eyes of the Father being humble is not a weakness, but an act of trust, praise, and submission.
Submission isn’t meant to be oppressive. In fact, just the opposite. Submission to God offers eternal freedom. John 4:34 says, “Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.”
Jesus, our perfect mentor showed us the ways to please and obey God. Draw nearer to God moment by moment. Allow Him to change your heart, mindset, attitude, actions, reactions, and desires. Trust. Praise, and Submit.
These three qualities form a firm foundation that leads to obedience. Luke 1:38-39 says, "For nothing will be impossible with God.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her." Without trusting God, praising God, and submitting to Him, Mary would never have stepped forward in obedience.
Consider these questions:
Do you trust, praise, and submit to the Father so you will step forward in obedience no matter where or when He calls?
Are you mentoring the way for your children to do the same?
What ways are you teaching trust, praise, and submission to your children in order that they will have the foundation to obey God in all He calls?
As the blessed woman God chose to raise His children, you don’t have to be perfect. But you do need to love Jesus and intentionally deepen your walk with God moment by moment.
What is one step you will purposely take to ensure you model the way to Him for your children?
Dear Heavenly Father, Your ways are good. Your holy Word tells us so. We trust in You. We praise You. We submit to You. Help us continue to move ever deeper into Your arms and abide in Your care. May we be beautiful mentors for our children to see Christ and follow You through relationship with Him. May our love for Jesus shine ever brightly and in ways that You must bless because we humbly obey where You call. May our children do the same with joy and gladness. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
Raising children is challenging. No one has all the answers because each child is unique as are parenting styles and family dynamics. By connecting with and knowing your children as you maintain purposed growth in Christ, you will be better prepared for any situation you face.
That’s why you hear me share about the Set-Apart Collective in this podcast. I work with professionals who care about making Jesus known to their children. Are you a high-achieving woman who loves Jesus, but is so busy with the rush of work and daily life that you feel like you’re being drained like the water in your bathtub? Do you yearn to get closer to Jesus and show Him to your kids so you will create a love that will last into eternity? The desire is there, but your days spiral out of control before you even think about opening your Bible.
Do you ever stop to think that you are the first Jesus your child will see? Let me remind you there is hope. There is a way you can be equipped to raise kids who chase Christ over culture. If you want a connected relationship with Christ and your children that leads them to your side and His feet, instead of them seeking validation from peers, I have an 8-step program to move you from frustrated to fulfilled. I will show you how to reflect Jesus in a way that attracts your family to a connected relationship that lasts into eternity.
Remember, godly parenting is rooted in relationship with Christ and the mindset you carry. If you don’t want peers and culture to be the main influence over your child, if you desire to parent to “prepare” your child for eternity with Christ, not repair your relationship with them, the Set-Apart Collective will arm you with a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You’ll also deepen your identity in Christ so you can mentor the way for your children to do the same. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family and you will have the tools to raise set apart kids as you parent the heart, not simply the behavior.
Does this sound like a lifeline to help you be that set-apart mom God has entrusted you to be? Visit terrihitt.com/coaching and click the link for a free, no obligation conversation call with me. This is a strategic call where I will hear your biggest struggle and show you how to turn it into a blessing that will bring you closer to Christ and your children. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ. Time is short. Make yours matter for eternity.
One last thing to remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will likely sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ.