Purposed Parent Connected Child Podcast Episode 103 - The Power of Teaching Patience to Your Child
Welcome to the Purposed Parent/Connected Child podcast – Episode 103 – The Power of Teaching Patience to Your Child
Thank you for sharing your day with me. I pray this podcast gives you the awareness and tools you need to STOP being a GOOD mom and BECOME the GODLY mom God entrusts you to be. Then you will be the SET-APART woman PURPOSELY raising children to chase CHRIST over culture.
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Would you agree that being a parent tests and develops patience? I think we all know that being a parent uncovers the best and worst in us. However, when we rely on the Lord to parent through us, when we let go of self and submit to Him to guide and grow us, we discover how to parent in ways that lead our child to God.
When we attempt to parent in our strength, we fail mightily and the effects hit our children mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This is why we must desire to be more Christlike. It’s why we must purposely work toward that goal so that we will become patient.
Most mothers understand what a privilege it is to be a parent! Hopefully, you recognize ways God is working through you personally and uniquely to instill the godly character of patience.
How ironic it is that we need godly patience to parent, but we refine it while doing the job. That is – if we submit to God and ask Him to grow that beautiful fruit of the Spirit within us.
One of the many ways God helped me become more patient was with my middle daughter. While I don’t remember exactly what grade she was in, I know it was during her younger elementary school years that God finally opened my eyes to the way her mind and heart worked.
Throughout my daughter’s life, when asked questions, she ponders her response. Most of the time you can’t see any hesitation, but when the question carries a deeper importance, there is a delay in her answer. Before I understood this hesitation (and the reason why) I sometimes wondered what was taking so long. However, about the time I was ready to jump in and relieve her of having to answer, she would respond. One day God opened my eyes to the fact that she cared deeply about truth. Responding with integrity and offering a genuine response was of utmost importance. I understood how deeply she considered what she wanted to say. Her mindfulness made her message all the more important.
Through that experience, God showed me how to wait. I didn’t need to think of rescuing others. I needed to control my impatience and wait for others to carefully formulate the unique responses they were purposed to contribute. What wisdom my girl shows when she responds. I’m usually in awe of the way God wired her brain to work. She is able to assess different sides of issues and still answer with a godly response aligned with Scripture, not just voice an opinion.
Each day we receive countless opportunities to develop the art of patience. Praise God that He continues that good work in us moment by moment when we ask Him to. As patience grows in you, use your deepening walk with Christ to help you foster patience in your children.
Today I’m going to suggest several ways you can help your child grow the skill and gift of patience.
One thing I want to remind you as we begin is that your kids want to know you’re present for them. They want to feel that you care. What that means is that connection is key to teaching your child anything.
Often, parents will feel as if interruptions from their children are a disruption to their schedule. How would you feel if someone you loved viewed any time you need them as a disrupted day or plan. This doesn’t mean that I’m saying your child needs you to be at their beck and call. What it does mean is that they need to know you love them and are accessible.
Children are often still learning the concept of time. When young, they believe their needs are the most pressing item in your day. Their needs are felt very big and “right now.” They believe the world and everyone in it revolves around their needs.
In a safe, loving home, parents usually are present. Children are used to time with one or both parents. When phone calls, errands, or unexpected events occur, schedules and expectations are interrupted. However, because they are used to the ability to reconnect with parents, they trust their needs will be taken care of. They are able to remain more patient until that happens if they have been taught the foundations of connection.
We must remember that children are just that…children. You and I had to learn patience, and are actually still learning. The gift of patience continuously grows if we seek it. Parents have to seek ways to teach children to be patient.
For example, when you tell your children to “give you a moment” to finish something – a phone call, washing dishes, etc., they understand if you count down time with them either verbally or with a timer or visual reminder of time passing. However, the word, “moment” means nothing. This can actually cause more frustration if you are not finished in a moment. A blink of an eye.
When you are visiting with someone, perhaps a friend or are at a doctor’s office and you are trying to finish a conversation, you can take your child onto your lap, offer a distraction such as a hug, gently bounce them on your knees, give a book for them to look at, or give them a miniature hourglass to watch the sand. These will help as long as you complete your activity when you say you will - or as quickly as possible. This allows your children to see that you are true to your word. It helps them believe you when you promise something and allows them to act without frustration, enabling them to construct brain pathways needed to build patience.
In these examples, the children are young. If your children are under the age of five, of course more guidance and time with them is needed. Remember that this age will take your words literally,. At this time, books, puzzles, coloring, building blocks, etc. for a set time works well. If you’ve taken time to play alongside your child in quiet, consistent times, she will be more apt to handle a bit of independent play when you need time alone or are spending time with others.
Of course, factors such as being tired, hungry, or not feeling well will play a factor in how your child reacts on any day. You must also consider your children’s temperament and maturity so that you don’t exasperate them. Don’t set them up to fail by scheduling activities such as private time with friends or shopping when you need to focus on what you’re doing with your children. Don’t schedule activities or parties when it’s nap time or a time they usually share one-on-one quiet time with you.
As long as you’ve worked with your child to develop the art of patience, and as your child grows and matures, she should be able to handle activities while waiting. Small activities such as reading, crafts, writing, building blocks, playing with dolls, etc. also help children build the skill of patience and independent play or study time.
Spend time with your children before you need them to be patient. Each time you enable your children to be successful by setting them up to avoid tantrums or irritability actually builds the strengths they need to choose pleasing habits and behaviors. You are helping them build patience when you consider their needs and abilities and gently strengthen while slowly stretching them in the right ways.
Remember, you want to parent for the future, not the moment.
This means self-work for you, too. Most of what your children learn is from how you teach them to act and react through observing you.
1. How do you tend to react? Do you usually react to stress or surprises with calmness? With anger? Yelling? Perfectionism? Frustration? Inappropriate language? Overwhelm?
2. What causes your reactions? A strong and growing walk with Christ? Sleep deprivation? Perfectionism? Health issues? Marriage issues? Your child’s abilities?
3. Are you ever triggered by your children? How do you handle it? Is it because of your emotional background? Your child’s challenging behaviors? Your insecurities? Your spouse’s expectations?
4. Do you rely on God to heal areas you’ve identified as unpleasing to Him or hurtful to your children?
5. Do you pay attention to the needs your child is speaking, whether by his words or with actions? The behavior of children exposes needs they may not know how to articulate. Even adults react with behavior and words they shouldn’t. Your child depends on you to grow in the Lord and be the godly, connected adult with them and Jesus.
6. Do you give yourself grace as you continue to learn and change? Do you do the same for your children and spouse? You want to set them up to be Christlike.
7. Do you demonstrate patience? In what ways are you patient? In what ways do you need to humbly ask God to grow patience?
Your children are simply immature, needy humans placed under your care by a loving and wisdom-filled God. He entrusted those children in your home to you for a purpose. Allow Him to heal you where needed. Ask Him to equip you to raise godly sons and daughters that give you joy and who please and honor Him.
As mothers, we have the God-given privilege of tilling the ground and planting the seeds of faith and fruits of the spirit, yet God brings the harvest. We must patiently mature our walk with Christ and bring our children to the feet and heart of Christ through the way we live, love, speak, act, and react. If you desire your child to exhibit great patience, remember that you are the first person to teach them the way to holding and sharing that gift.
Dear Heavenly Father, how great You are. How wonderful it is that You have entrusted Your children to us. Thank you for the honor and responsibility. We know we are not capable of raising children to please and honor You. This world is full of hardships, trials, temptations, and we are sinful and shallow reflections of You. How far we are from Your holiness, yet You assigned this task to us. Thank you for allowing us this honor. Thank you for letting us know we are incapable of such a task without You. Thank you for giving us Jesus to show us the way to You so that we can show our children. Thank you that the more we reflect Your godly character and cultivate the fruits of the spirit, including patience, the closer we lift our children to You. Help them to be better reflections of You. Help them to desire to carry patience and help us reflect it in ways that give You great satisfaction. In the precious name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
Raising children is challenging. No one has all the answers because each child is unique as are parenting styles and family dynamics. By connecting with and knowing your children as you maintain purposed growth in Christ, you will be better prepared for any situation you face.
That’s why you hear me share about the Set-Apart Collective in this podcast. I work with professionals who care about making Jesus known to their children. Are you a high-achieving woman who loves Jesus, but is so busy with the rush of work and daily life that you feel like you’re being drained like the water in your bathtub? Do you yearn to get closer to Jesus and show Him to your kids so you will create a love that will last into eternity? The desire is there, but your days spiral out of control before you even think about opening your Bible.
Do you ever stop to think that you are the first Jesus your child will see? Let me remind you there is hope. There is a way you can be equipped to raise kids who chase Christ over culture. If you want a connected relationship with Christ and your children that leads them to your side and His feet, instead of them seeking validation from peers, I have an 8-step program to move you from frustrated to fulfilled. I will show you how to reflect Jesus in a way that attracts your family to a connected relationship that lasts into eternity.
Remember, godly parenting is rooted in relationship with Christ and the mindset you carry. If you don’t want peers and culture to be the main influence over your child, if you desire to parent to “prepare” your child for eternity with Christ, not repair your relationship with them, the Set-Apart Collective will arm you with a Christ-centered Motherhood Mindset Model™, and create a Purposed Parenting Plan™. You’ll also deepen your identity in Christ so you can mentor the way for your children to do the same. You will be a purposed mother with an intentional mind and heart set on Christ and your family and you will have the tools to raise set apart kids as you parent the heart, not simply the behavior.
Does this sound like a lifeline to help you be that set-apart mom God has entrusted you to be? Visit terrihitt.com/coaching and click the link for a free, no obligation conversation call with me. This is a strategic call where I will hear your biggest struggle and show you how to turn it into a blessing that will bring you closer to Christ and your children. It’s time for believing mothers to be purposed in preparing their children for a lifetime pursuit of Christ. Time is short. Make yours matter for eternity.
One last thing to remember - if you’re not purposed in knowing Jesus and showing Him to the next generation, the world will sway your children away from Christ. I pray that what you hear on this podcast enables you to stop being a good mom and focus on being a godly parent. Until next week, keep looking Up while focusing on new ways to parent with eternal purpose and connection with your children and Christ.